News week 44: 29 October-4 November 2007

Long sentences for Madrid bombers. A Spanish court has sentenced 3 of the 28 accused of the attacks in Madrid of 11 March 2004 in which 191 people were killed and an additional 1800 wounded to 40.000 years. Nevertheless, the 3 accused will only spend a maximum of 40 years behind bars. The jail sentence of 40.000 years is the total sum of 191 murders x 250 years (the amount of years your life is worth in Spain) (which actually equals 47750, so they even got away with it easily because this number does not include all those that were wounded). It is of course obvious that the court’s ruling is symbolic but still….. The equation leads to 47750 years in jail. By reason, this is already quite absurd as you do not live forever. Now what is the reason of imposing such a long sentence when everybody knows they will be out of jail even before they finished the 40 years they are due? The families of those killed and wounded know this as well as everybody else. What is even more absurd is that the accused started a hunger strike because they feel the sentence is too tough and injust….. Go figure…. That’s what you get when you willingly kill people and then you still get away with it easily if you “only” have to spend less than 40 years in jail.
Arnhemmer severely wounded after smoking near a gas cannister. A Dutchman severely wounded himself after he lit a cigarette near a recently detached gas cannister. Now this one fits in the section with “What not to do when you go camping”. He could have also just told his wife he does not like camping….
Prisoner prints stamps Holleeder. A serial killer has managed to print valid stamps, on them the image of criminal Willem Holleeder, from the maximum security prison in Vught, the Netherlands. The prisoner had decided to enter a competition started by TNT. He immediately thought of Holleeder and had someone email him some pictures of Holleeder. After a couple of days he received the stamps. TNT wanted to spark attention for designing your own stamps. I’d say they succeeded! Holleeder himself has announced that he is honoured to have his own stamp and does now appear on envelopes just like the Queen.
Holleeder stamps versus escape criminal. To confirm the prejudices that exist on Belgians. This morning on a Belgian radio show the host referred to the Holleeder stamps and stated that the Dutch are making almost as big a mess out of things as the Belgians. With regard to the Belgian mess he was referring to the escape of Nordin Benallal from a maximum security prison in Belgium (from which he had escaped 3 times prior to this escape) who had been sentenced to 12 years in prison for shooting at 2 police officers, while having been sentenced to prison before for 27 years for violent robberies. Now I wonder, on the one hand you have a highly controversial stamp which does not hurt anybody (other than your tongue), while on the other hand you have a criminal on the lose with a track record of violence and a risk to society. Yep, come to think of it…. it does seem like an equal mess….. Belgians!!!! Let’s not mention the fact that the Belgian police was not able to capture Nordin Benallal but the Dutch police did after he was involved in an armed robbery on a motorcycle store……. Maybe next time the Belgians ought to keep their mess in their own country and not compare it to our mess that does not endanger society.
6 prisoners released because of unauthorised judge. The court in Den Bosch has decided to release 6 accused because their causes have been dealt with by an unauthorised judge. A judge that had not been authorised yet had nevertheless already passed some judgements prior to his authorisation. However, these decisions do not have a legal basis and now need to be annulled. And out go the criminals again, amongst whom a woman suspected of having committed a murder and a suspect who robbed and raped. Wow, yes we do need those people back on the streets!
Calling driver hits police officer. A driver hit a police officer while she was on the phone. The ironic part? The police officer was there to check violations of the non-calling while driving rule.
Radar searching for missing water swimming pool. A radar is needed to identify the mysterious leak in a swimming pool in Enschede. A company will try and find the missing 600.000 litres of water. The pipes are ok and the crawl space is dry. Now how the hell can you lose 600.000 litres of water???? It’s not as if you are emptying two bottles of water that get soaked up by the soil! Or did the leprecons came in and take it all to have their own “little” party? The company is now putting a little bit of water at a time in the pool to see where it is going………… oh this sounds too sad….. Maybe someone should have paid attention when the full 600.000 litres decided to go for a walk……… or did they emigrate to Africa because they felt it was time to help those poor people? (not that chloride would make people more happy, but still….)
Mass murderer on advent calendar. Behind door number 1 of the advent calendar of the German city of Hannover you can find the infamous serial killer Fritz Haarmann, wearing a cape, hat and axe (some blood as well???). About 90 years ago Haarmann spread death and destruction in Hannover. He killed at least 23 men and chopped them into pieces (which explains the axe ;)) after which he threw them in the river Leine.
70-year-old German chops down 122 trees. A 70-year-old German cut down 122 trees because they limited the view from his house. Thanks to the massive chopping session he can now enjoy his view of the East Sea. Ok, first how does a 70-year-old manage to chop down a) 122 trees and b) 122 trees without anybody from a municipality stopping him? Basically, I think the houses around here limit my view…. Maybe I should burn them all down….. at least I’ll be able to see the main road again.
Burglar tries to escape while swimming with doll. A burglar from Gent, Belgium (did you think this could happen in any other country?), tried to escape from the police with his loot: A DOLL. The more funny part of the message: despite the burglar jumping into the water the police managed to arrest him……. I wonder why? Maybe because he was hanging on to the doll which does not really increase your chances of a speedy and successful escape?
Halloween zombie thought to be corpse. Now who said Halloween wasn’t fun? A German drunkard has managed to scare the passengers of a train in Germany. The man, dressed up as a zombie, was sleeping and was thought to be dead. The 24-year-old man had just returned from a Halloween party and was drunk. His hands and face were covered by fake blood (apparently ketchup can look pretty real these days ;)) and the drunkard did not respond to attempts to wake him up. His fellow passengers thought he was killed and called the police. This would be a perfect April fool’s joke.
Singapore airlines prohibits sex on mega-airbus. Still the love boat, definitely not the love plane. Singapore Airlines has decided that in the twin beds of the ‘superjumbo’ Airbus A380, the biggest passenger aircraft in the world, people are not allowed to make love. If passengers are caught during improper activities they are kindly requested by the hostesses to stop. The first passengers who booked one of these luxury suites, an Australian couple, said they did not understand the strict rules. Tony, 76 years old, was amazed that the airline company offered twin beds, privacy and lots of champagne but did not allow you to do the most natural thing…. I particularly like the part where it becomes evident that one of the first passengers is a) 76 and b) is still doing the ‘natural’ thing.
Dogs shoot at man. A group of hunting dogs shot a hunter who was about to pick up a dead pheasant. When the man bent down to pick up the dead bird he put his rifle against a fence. When he climbed over the fence the dogs stepped on the rifle and it went off and the man was shot in his leg. Minor detail: the man was hunting a day before the season was officially opened…….. Hm according to the Dutch saying: evil punishes itself???
Italian robbed of mother’s ashes. Thieves who stole a bag will have looked quite surprised when they found an urn with ashes in it.
Japanese helped during traffic jams who have to go badly. A Japanese company has found a solution for people who get stuck in traffic jams and who really need to go to the toilet. The Asians have developed a portable, carton car toilet which comes with a curtain and a plastic bag to catch nature’s call.
Tourist dies of overdose sex pills while having sex. In the category sad and ironic we find this message. An American sex tourist in Thailand (now this is already too much stereotype and leads to the idea: that’ll do you good. Probably he paid underage girls to have sex with him as well) died due to an overdose of sex pills. The man died while having sex with a bar maid (I rest my case). The American apparently suffered from erectile problems and to be sure that he would be able to perform he had taken some extra pills. While having sex with a Thai prostitute (so what is she: a bar maid or a prostitute???) he suffered from a headache and fainted. By the time the police arrived the man was already dead.
Police releases toddler from traffic cone. In the category: who doesn’t want to be like Harry Potter and the dangers it entails: a 3-year-old boy found himself stuck in a traffic cone with his head. The boy found the traffic cone resembled Harry Potter’s hat and therefore he put it on his head because he wanted to be like Harry Potter. The fire department had to liberate him of his magicians’ ‘hat’.
Elephants electrocuted in India. 6 wild elephants in the northeast of India have been electrocuted when they lost it after drinking rice beer and pulled an electricity pole out of the ground. Apparently their mother never taught them that a) beer is bad for you, especially if you drink too much of it, and b) it is not polite to pull the neighbour’s belongings out of the ground just because you feel like it.
Monkeys kill deputy mayor New Delhi. Now I have to say that I read the next article with mixed feelings. On the one hand, Indian monkeys have managed to scare the living hell out of me….. all I saw was rabies in their eyes and they were commercialised because they were after my coke (come on people, I am talking about coca cola)…… on the other hand, I still believe monkeys are nice…. Depending on the kind that is…. But here goes: The deputy mayor of New Delhi was killed during the weekend by wild monkeys while he was on his terrace. The monkeys have already infiltrated the parliamentary buildings and the presidential office…… Now does this not make you think something, this phrasing??? A) they received a very good training in a neighbouring country like some of their fellow humans…… say Pakistan??? B) the animals are planning to take over the world and are preparing their coupe….
Dutch kids play with high-explosive shell. In the category UNBELIEVABLE we find the following: Some kids have apparently been playing with a grenade for the past couple of months. I mean, please read again: not minutes or hours, not days or weeks, but MONTHS!!!!!
Post card Japanese soldiers arrives after 64 years. Just to prove that the movie Amelie is based on reality: A post card from a Japanese soldier has finally reached the 80-year-old friend it was meant for after 64 years. Now if you think this is just an issue of late delivery by the mail services, think again. The man had written the card in 1943 and died in 1944. The card reached Nagasaki where it was found by an American soldier who brought the card with him to Arizona. The man died 25 years ago but his son took the card with him to Hawaii (now why anyone would do this I have no clue, but I’ll continue just for the sake of it). The son’s wife met a Japanese student during their stay in Hawaii who took the card back with her to Japan where she was able to hand it over to the person it was addressed to. Now such a happy ending!!! I say Spielberg, time to make a movie out of the travel of the post card!!!
Belgian becomes father for 27th time. In the category ‘unhealthy’ and ‘have you thought of how you will pay for their clothing and education etc’ we find the Belgians. The man has 27 children with 3 different wives (which of course means those women were very very very fertile and flexible (in all the ways you can imagine J) and is called ‘the bull’ in his neighbourhood (how sad :S Maybe we should release him in Pamplona or enter him in the ring and make him chase the red cape).
Chinese of 106 marries 81 year-old. To prove that love conquers all…. After 8 years of going steady 106-year-old Pan Xiting and 81-year-old Chen Adi finally married. (just in time I’d say ;)). According to Pan: “Now we are family and we will not separate till death do us part”. Be careful with what you wish for! And if you thought they set the record, guess again. There is a French couple of 94 and 96 who set the record because together they are 190 years!
Squatters terrorise family in Amsterdam. In the category ‘it would almost be funny, if it wasn’t so sad’: Squatters have terrorised a family’s house for the past couple of months. Now it has gone as far as the squatters making a hole in the ceiling through which they pee into the family’s living room.
Man with 500 k’s of TNT fined. I wonder why J But rest assured, the TNT was meant for a research centre in the Netherlands. So that makes it ok then. (????)