News for week 47: 19-25 November
Prostitute orders murders. A German has killed at least 4 men after having been ordered to do so by a former prostitute. The former prostitute, now 68 years old, met her victims through personal adverts. After she had stripped the men financially, she had them killed.
German police prevent bloodbath bloodbath in high school. 2 boys, aged 17 and 18, were planning to go to school with crossbow and possible explosives to kill their fellow students and teachers. When the police searched one of the houses they found weapons, as well as a death list with 17 names. When the boy heard the police were coming for him he fled and threw himself in front of a tram. He died in the hospital. Apparently the boys felt they had been treated badly. Maybe they should join the armed forces in Uganda and see what it really feels like when you are treated badly…. Or maybe they should go to Cambodia and become male prostitutes and see what bad treatment is defined like over there…….. Anyways, I already said it when highlighting the massacre in Finland… Once such messages make it out there you only need to sit and wait for the next one to copy cat. This was not even a week after the one in Finland.
Captain to stand trial for cutting friend into pieces. A 44-year-old Dutchman is accused of having murdered his friend and having him cut into pieces. Initially the Dutchman, his girlfriend and the deceased had a happy ménage a trois. (Now the crux of the matter is already here: There can be no such thing as a happy relation with 3 people. Such things are temporary if possible at all). However, the 2 men got into a fight about possible abuse of the son of the Dutchman and his girlfriend. When they went fishing the Dutchman allegedly beat his friend to death with a wrench. He hit the body in the trunk of his car and probably drove around with it for a week. Rather ironically, the body supposedly was also in the trunk when the girlfriend went to the police to report the friend as missing. When the body started to smell the Dutchman lied to everybody saying he had worms in the trunk that were starting to rot. Allegedly the Dutchman then decided to cut the body into pieces. He cut of the arms and head and dumped them in the river. He buried the trunk near Calais. Now another interesting detail is the reason the Dutchman provided for cutting the body into pieces. Apparently the mother of the victim is an experienced “pendelaarster” (a person who claims to be able to find answers and objects by swinging a rope). The Dutchman stated that he wanted to make it more difficult for the victim’s mother to find the body by dumping the body parts far apart.
Naked man commits suicide in café. A man walked into a café nude and stabbed himself several times in the chest area in front of visitors and personnel present. Now this reminds me of a story which I read when I was in London. There are Polish man entered a restaurant and went into the kitchen to get a butcher’s knife. Then he got back into the restaurant, got up on a table and cut off his penis. The kitchen staff then put his penis in a bucket with ice and in the hospital they then sowed the whole package back together. The man has been all over the news, not only because of his deed, but also because this was the first time ever doctors conducted such an operation. Go figure :S
Typo: airplane crashes at A1. For a brief moment drivers believed that an airplane had crashed at the AI due to a typo by a traffic controller. Apparently the code ‘ACI’ indicates that a road has been closed due to an accident. ‘AIC’ on the other hand indicates an airplane crash.
Brit only welcome in New Zealand after diet. A 35-year-old Brit, a very skilled manufacturer of cables for submarines, was about to be hired by a New Zealand company. However, the INS initially refused to allow the Brit to enter the country because he was too heavy. The Brit was denied access on the basis of his BMI (body mass index) and was classified as so heavy as to endanger his health. After a strict diet he lost enough weight to finally be allowed to come to New Zealand. However, his wife still needs to lose a couple more pounds. Wow, and I thought Australia was strict with their mandatory x-ray! I better start working out!
Woman moved from grave to dump. 2 Spanish men found a macabre solution to the lack of space in their family grave. They removed a relative, who had died 22 years ago, from the grave and brought it to the rubbish dump so as to open a space for the woman’s recently deceased son in law.
‘Witch’ stands trial for bad marital advice. A woman from Cyprus is tried for witchcraft after she had given a client bad advice for solving his marital problems. She told the man to put an egg, a spoon and a nail in his trousers. (all the men reading this and who would do this, please raise your hand!) The man went to the police after the old woman broke the egg in his underwear (now that I would have loved to see!!! How do you explain such a thing???)
Woman finds loved one in cat flap. A 32-year-old man died when he tried to crawl through a cat flap. The man wanted to crawl into his girlfriend’s house a couple of hours after she had kicked him out after they had had a fight.
Thai air force pilot picks mushrooms. The Thai air force has suspended one of their pilots after he had landed his helicopter in an open space in the forest to pick some wild mushrooms for his mother. Now if you think the mushrooms are the catch because they are special they are not. The pilot is punished because he left the helicopter unguarded.
Urinating man taken off airplane. A drunk American has been taken of a flight after he had peed, trashed a passenger seat and had cursed at some fellow passengers. He also felt up passengers and showed his private part.
Abuses around expensive dessert. Some follow up on the most expensive dessert. The restaurant that serves world’s most expensive dessert has temporarily been closed due to bad hygiene. The NY restaurant had to close after the inspection service found a living mouse, mouse poo (so those produced the special whipped cream ;)), flies and dozens of cock roaches. Again, I prefer to be on a budget :D
Robbers stuck in traffic. Some insight into traffic situations might prove useful for robbers. 4 robbers in Belgrade did not have such inside and they paid the price. 4 men had committed an armed robbery on a bank in Belgrade and left with 80.000 euros. When fleeing they went towards the bridge on which there was a traffic jam. After they were arrested both police and those arrested had to wait for the traffic jam to clear. I think this would make a nice scene in a movie and I do not recall ever having seen one like it.
Nappies replace prison sentence. A man will be forced to change his future baby’s nappies for the coming 3 years. A man and a very pregnant woman had to appear before the court because they had had a fight and they had hit and wounded each other. Despite the fact that they were back together the court still found it appropriate to sentence to man to 3 years of compulsory nappy changing.
Russian sect awaits apocalypse. Over 30 people have barricaded a cave with a gas tank to await the end of times in peace. They threatened to blow themselves up in case the police make any attempts to intervene.
Bicycle fetishist sentenced to 3 years probation. Now this even goes beyond my imagination and I am curious how the story continues. A man was sentenced to 3 years probation because he tried to have sex with a bicycle. (so did the bicycle file the complaint? And legally I think there is no case. What someone does at home is his business provided nobody gets hurt…) Apparently 2 maids caught the 51-year-old, dressed in a t-shirt, when they entered his room while he was rhythmically moving his hips against his bike.
Australian Santa Claus victim of censorship. Australian Santa Clause’s are furious because a company that rents Santa Clause’s has prohibited the slogan ‘ho ho ho’. According to the company the slogan ‘ho ho ho’ is potentially sexist because ‘ho’ can be pronounced as a coarse English word for whore. Therefore, Santa Clause’s will now have to say ‘ha ha ha’. Now, first of all, I would have never thought of hearing the slogan ‘ho ho ho’ as coming anywhere near the word hoar, but now that I have read this, I will never hear the word without this meaning anymore. Thanks for that. Secondly, in case you are angry this is an easy way to get away without cursing without anybody noticing. In the Netherlands we do the same thing: when it is fall and the acorn fall from the trees we are at liberty to say ‘eikel’ without anybody being offended because it is never sure whether you are referring to the object or the person (or for the Dutch speaking among us: to a section of the private part).
Community service for German child rapist in school for young children. A convicted child rapist was sentenced to do community service in a school for young children. (well we already see the contradiction here, apparently it took the court a bit longer). Unsurprisingly the man assaulted more children in this school. The office of the Public Defender has admitted the mistake.
Museum to examine pubic louse. The natural history museum in Rotterdam is concerned about a new endangered species, the pubic louse. The museum especially welcomes pubic lice from overseas. Apparently there are strong indications that the pubic louse occurs less these days because people shave or wax the areas in which this creature of 0,8-1,2 mm lives. What a shame! The museum had a hard time locating pubic lice, and fresh ones in particular. Fortunately for the museum they found a doctor who had kept a pubic louse which she found one a patient earlier this year, to spice up the collection of pubic lice from 1949. Might I suggest they find themselves a hobby?
Man breaks leg girlfriend to con insurances. Ok, so you have people who voluntarily break their legs in order to be a couple of cms taller to become an air hostess and you have those who try to con the insurance company. The man hoped to gain some 138.000 euros for his girlfriend’s broken leg. Though the woman cooperated out of her own free will, the man made one stupid mistake: he filmed the whole macabre event with his cell phone (oh boy, really guys, if ever, always destroy all evidence to the best of your abilities and even then you will get caught thanks to the latest technology. Had it not been his cell phone it would have been the CCTV). OI, for those who want to hear exactly how he broke her leg: the woman put her leg on a brick whereafter her boyfriend started kicking her leg. Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu The idea was to have the municipality think that the broken leg was caused by a brick wall that fell over.
Polish labourers fish Dutch waters empty. The tens of thousands of Polish who came to the Netherlands to work fish our Dutch waters empty during their free time. Hahaha this sounds so Dutch, hold on, here it comes: The Polish have different ethics and a different eating culture and they do not abide by the rules.
Painting at trash does 1 million dollar. A painting that was put outside with the trash did over 1 million dollar during an auction in New York.
Pull teeth before cremation. The mayor of a Belgian town wants to have dead people’s teeth pulled before they are cremated. He claims that it will benefit the public health since there is a lot of mercury in the teeth. Uhm I reckon you only have that in your teeth if you got fillings? The mayor said that it would be possible to get soot filters but one should seriously consider preventing the emission of such gases beforehand.
Doctors remove hair ball from stomach woman. An 18-year-old woman went to the doctor due to severe stomach aches. As it turned out she had a hair ball of 5 kgs in her stomach. Oh yukkkkk. The hair ball was 40 by 20 cms big and caused the woman to throw up everything she ate and lose 20 kgs. Well, I see another diet strategy appearing: get a hair ball! Better than having a stomach correction J The woman admitted that she had had the habit of eating her own hair (yukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk) for years, a disorder which is called trichophagia (see I am educating you again).
Spaniard cuts woman’s throat after rejection on tv. A Spanish man has slid the throat of his Russian girlfriend after she turned down his marriage proposal on tv. In the popular show Diario de Patricia Ricardo dropped down to his knees, murmered some sentimental words and asked Svetlana to marry him. After a long silence and some urging by the hostess Svetlana said no. A day after the show Svetlana was found in her apartment, seriously injured. 2 days later she died. And this is what we call a crime passionel. Seriously, the guy can even get his sentence reduced because of this! Apparently the two had been together for 4 years and had recently split up because of the abusive behaviour of Ricardo. A judge had even filed a restraining order against him and he was not allowed within 500 mtrs of Svetlana. Thanks Diario de Patricia for helping him circumvent the restraining order :D
Swedish women demonstrative topless in swimming pools. Yes, again another message which will push more men to Sweden. Last time is was the Swedish woman who bit a men in his penis, this time it is a bit more harmless. A group of Swedish women finds it unfair that men are allowed to walk around with a bare chest and women are not. Oh sjees……. Seriously! Next thing you know they claim they are treated as sex objects and are sexually harassed (wonder why :D).
House lion scares drivers. A tame lion has scared drivers in the State of Ohio. The lion had escaped from his cage (but yes he is tame (????)). The lion had helped the owner get out of a depression. Well good for him…… how about helping the neighbours who instantly got a depression after seeing the lion?
Naked man runs on American highway. A naked, drunk man has caused 3 accidents in the US. A) it was that big, b) he was that white c) it was that tiny or d) they scare easily. Let’s continue to see which one is correct. The 26-year-old man ran in the opposite direction as the traffic was coming. Cars tried to avoid him with the accidents as a result. Hm seeing all the messages posted up to now it seems that particularly men have a habit of running around naked. Care to share why? Some primal urge?
101-year-old poses nude for calendar. Now of course this message should not follow the previous one, as it seriously undermines my case (which is still strong!). A 101-year-old woman has posed topless for a calendar to raise money for the local soccer club (ah see, when we do it we do it for a good cause :D).
400 students present during cuddling action for Belgium. This one goes into the category: how do you come up with these things????? A massive cuddling action was set up for the future of Belgium (which one) and had Wallonians and Flammish hug each other. The action (what purpose would it otherwise serve other than reproduction) served as a means to ensure solidarity amongst Wallonians and Flammish. Well, I wish them a lot of luck because even now the government does not seem to be getting any closer to formation.
Prostitute orders murders. A German has killed at least 4 men after having been ordered to do so by a former prostitute. The former prostitute, now 68 years old, met her victims through personal adverts. After she had stripped the men financially, she had them killed.
German police prevent bloodbath bloodbath in high school. 2 boys, aged 17 and 18, were planning to go to school with crossbow and possible explosives to kill their fellow students and teachers. When the police searched one of the houses they found weapons, as well as a death list with 17 names. When the boy heard the police were coming for him he fled and threw himself in front of a tram. He died in the hospital. Apparently the boys felt they had been treated badly. Maybe they should join the armed forces in Uganda and see what it really feels like when you are treated badly…. Or maybe they should go to Cambodia and become male prostitutes and see what bad treatment is defined like over there…….. Anyways, I already said it when highlighting the massacre in Finland… Once such messages make it out there you only need to sit and wait for the next one to copy cat. This was not even a week after the one in Finland.
Captain to stand trial for cutting friend into pieces. A 44-year-old Dutchman is accused of having murdered his friend and having him cut into pieces. Initially the Dutchman, his girlfriend and the deceased had a happy ménage a trois. (Now the crux of the matter is already here: There can be no such thing as a happy relation with 3 people. Such things are temporary if possible at all). However, the 2 men got into a fight about possible abuse of the son of the Dutchman and his girlfriend. When they went fishing the Dutchman allegedly beat his friend to death with a wrench. He hit the body in the trunk of his car and probably drove around with it for a week. Rather ironically, the body supposedly was also in the trunk when the girlfriend went to the police to report the friend as missing. When the body started to smell the Dutchman lied to everybody saying he had worms in the trunk that were starting to rot. Allegedly the Dutchman then decided to cut the body into pieces. He cut of the arms and head and dumped them in the river. He buried the trunk near Calais. Now another interesting detail is the reason the Dutchman provided for cutting the body into pieces. Apparently the mother of the victim is an experienced “pendelaarster” (a person who claims to be able to find answers and objects by swinging a rope). The Dutchman stated that he wanted to make it more difficult for the victim’s mother to find the body by dumping the body parts far apart.
Naked man commits suicide in café. A man walked into a café nude and stabbed himself several times in the chest area in front of visitors and personnel present. Now this reminds me of a story which I read when I was in London. There are Polish man entered a restaurant and went into the kitchen to get a butcher’s knife. Then he got back into the restaurant, got up on a table and cut off his penis. The kitchen staff then put his penis in a bucket with ice and in the hospital they then sowed the whole package back together. The man has been all over the news, not only because of his deed, but also because this was the first time ever doctors conducted such an operation. Go figure :S
Typo: airplane crashes at A1. For a brief moment drivers believed that an airplane had crashed at the AI due to a typo by a traffic controller. Apparently the code ‘ACI’ indicates that a road has been closed due to an accident. ‘AIC’ on the other hand indicates an airplane crash.
Brit only welcome in New Zealand after diet. A 35-year-old Brit, a very skilled manufacturer of cables for submarines, was about to be hired by a New Zealand company. However, the INS initially refused to allow the Brit to enter the country because he was too heavy. The Brit was denied access on the basis of his BMI (body mass index) and was classified as so heavy as to endanger his health. After a strict diet he lost enough weight to finally be allowed to come to New Zealand. However, his wife still needs to lose a couple more pounds. Wow, and I thought Australia was strict with their mandatory x-ray! I better start working out!
Woman moved from grave to dump. 2 Spanish men found a macabre solution to the lack of space in their family grave. They removed a relative, who had died 22 years ago, from the grave and brought it to the rubbish dump so as to open a space for the woman’s recently deceased son in law.
‘Witch’ stands trial for bad marital advice. A woman from Cyprus is tried for witchcraft after she had given a client bad advice for solving his marital problems. She told the man to put an egg, a spoon and a nail in his trousers. (all the men reading this and who would do this, please raise your hand!) The man went to the police after the old woman broke the egg in his underwear (now that I would have loved to see!!! How do you explain such a thing???)
Woman finds loved one in cat flap. A 32-year-old man died when he tried to crawl through a cat flap. The man wanted to crawl into his girlfriend’s house a couple of hours after she had kicked him out after they had had a fight.
Thai air force pilot picks mushrooms. The Thai air force has suspended one of their pilots after he had landed his helicopter in an open space in the forest to pick some wild mushrooms for his mother. Now if you think the mushrooms are the catch because they are special they are not. The pilot is punished because he left the helicopter unguarded.
Urinating man taken off airplane. A drunk American has been taken of a flight after he had peed, trashed a passenger seat and had cursed at some fellow passengers. He also felt up passengers and showed his private part.
Abuses around expensive dessert. Some follow up on the most expensive dessert. The restaurant that serves world’s most expensive dessert has temporarily been closed due to bad hygiene. The NY restaurant had to close after the inspection service found a living mouse, mouse poo (so those produced the special whipped cream ;)), flies and dozens of cock roaches. Again, I prefer to be on a budget :D
Robbers stuck in traffic. Some insight into traffic situations might prove useful for robbers. 4 robbers in Belgrade did not have such inside and they paid the price. 4 men had committed an armed robbery on a bank in Belgrade and left with 80.000 euros. When fleeing they went towards the bridge on which there was a traffic jam. After they were arrested both police and those arrested had to wait for the traffic jam to clear. I think this would make a nice scene in a movie and I do not recall ever having seen one like it.
Nappies replace prison sentence. A man will be forced to change his future baby’s nappies for the coming 3 years. A man and a very pregnant woman had to appear before the court because they had had a fight and they had hit and wounded each other. Despite the fact that they were back together the court still found it appropriate to sentence to man to 3 years of compulsory nappy changing.
Russian sect awaits apocalypse. Over 30 people have barricaded a cave with a gas tank to await the end of times in peace. They threatened to blow themselves up in case the police make any attempts to intervene.
Bicycle fetishist sentenced to 3 years probation. Now this even goes beyond my imagination and I am curious how the story continues. A man was sentenced to 3 years probation because he tried to have sex with a bicycle. (so did the bicycle file the complaint? And legally I think there is no case. What someone does at home is his business provided nobody gets hurt…) Apparently 2 maids caught the 51-year-old, dressed in a t-shirt, when they entered his room while he was rhythmically moving his hips against his bike.
Australian Santa Claus victim of censorship. Australian Santa Clause’s are furious because a company that rents Santa Clause’s has prohibited the slogan ‘ho ho ho’. According to the company the slogan ‘ho ho ho’ is potentially sexist because ‘ho’ can be pronounced as a coarse English word for whore. Therefore, Santa Clause’s will now have to say ‘ha ha ha’. Now, first of all, I would have never thought of hearing the slogan ‘ho ho ho’ as coming anywhere near the word hoar, but now that I have read this, I will never hear the word without this meaning anymore. Thanks for that. Secondly, in case you are angry this is an easy way to get away without cursing without anybody noticing. In the Netherlands we do the same thing: when it is fall and the acorn fall from the trees we are at liberty to say ‘eikel’ without anybody being offended because it is never sure whether you are referring to the object or the person (or for the Dutch speaking among us: to a section of the private part).
Community service for German child rapist in school for young children. A convicted child rapist was sentenced to do community service in a school for young children. (well we already see the contradiction here, apparently it took the court a bit longer). Unsurprisingly the man assaulted more children in this school. The office of the Public Defender has admitted the mistake.
Museum to examine pubic louse. The natural history museum in Rotterdam is concerned about a new endangered species, the pubic louse. The museum especially welcomes pubic lice from overseas. Apparently there are strong indications that the pubic louse occurs less these days because people shave or wax the areas in which this creature of 0,8-1,2 mm lives. What a shame! The museum had a hard time locating pubic lice, and fresh ones in particular. Fortunately for the museum they found a doctor who had kept a pubic louse which she found one a patient earlier this year, to spice up the collection of pubic lice from 1949. Might I suggest they find themselves a hobby?
Man breaks leg girlfriend to con insurances. Ok, so you have people who voluntarily break their legs in order to be a couple of cms taller to become an air hostess and you have those who try to con the insurance company. The man hoped to gain some 138.000 euros for his girlfriend’s broken leg. Though the woman cooperated out of her own free will, the man made one stupid mistake: he filmed the whole macabre event with his cell phone (oh boy, really guys, if ever, always destroy all evidence to the best of your abilities and even then you will get caught thanks to the latest technology. Had it not been his cell phone it would have been the CCTV). OI, for those who want to hear exactly how he broke her leg: the woman put her leg on a brick whereafter her boyfriend started kicking her leg. Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu The idea was to have the municipality think that the broken leg was caused by a brick wall that fell over.
Polish labourers fish Dutch waters empty. The tens of thousands of Polish who came to the Netherlands to work fish our Dutch waters empty during their free time. Hahaha this sounds so Dutch, hold on, here it comes: The Polish have different ethics and a different eating culture and they do not abide by the rules.
Painting at trash does 1 million dollar. A painting that was put outside with the trash did over 1 million dollar during an auction in New York.
Pull teeth before cremation. The mayor of a Belgian town wants to have dead people’s teeth pulled before they are cremated. He claims that it will benefit the public health since there is a lot of mercury in the teeth. Uhm I reckon you only have that in your teeth if you got fillings? The mayor said that it would be possible to get soot filters but one should seriously consider preventing the emission of such gases beforehand.
Doctors remove hair ball from stomach woman. An 18-year-old woman went to the doctor due to severe stomach aches. As it turned out she had a hair ball of 5 kgs in her stomach. Oh yukkkkk. The hair ball was 40 by 20 cms big and caused the woman to throw up everything she ate and lose 20 kgs. Well, I see another diet strategy appearing: get a hair ball! Better than having a stomach correction J The woman admitted that she had had the habit of eating her own hair (yukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk) for years, a disorder which is called trichophagia (see I am educating you again).
Spaniard cuts woman’s throat after rejection on tv. A Spanish man has slid the throat of his Russian girlfriend after she turned down his marriage proposal on tv. In the popular show Diario de Patricia Ricardo dropped down to his knees, murmered some sentimental words and asked Svetlana to marry him. After a long silence and some urging by the hostess Svetlana said no. A day after the show Svetlana was found in her apartment, seriously injured. 2 days later she died. And this is what we call a crime passionel. Seriously, the guy can even get his sentence reduced because of this! Apparently the two had been together for 4 years and had recently split up because of the abusive behaviour of Ricardo. A judge had even filed a restraining order against him and he was not allowed within 500 mtrs of Svetlana. Thanks Diario de Patricia for helping him circumvent the restraining order :D
Swedish women demonstrative topless in swimming pools. Yes, again another message which will push more men to Sweden. Last time is was the Swedish woman who bit a men in his penis, this time it is a bit more harmless. A group of Swedish women finds it unfair that men are allowed to walk around with a bare chest and women are not. Oh sjees……. Seriously! Next thing you know they claim they are treated as sex objects and are sexually harassed (wonder why :D).
House lion scares drivers. A tame lion has scared drivers in the State of Ohio. The lion had escaped from his cage (but yes he is tame (????)). The lion had helped the owner get out of a depression. Well good for him…… how about helping the neighbours who instantly got a depression after seeing the lion?
Naked man runs on American highway. A naked, drunk man has caused 3 accidents in the US. A) it was that big, b) he was that white c) it was that tiny or d) they scare easily. Let’s continue to see which one is correct. The 26-year-old man ran in the opposite direction as the traffic was coming. Cars tried to avoid him with the accidents as a result. Hm seeing all the messages posted up to now it seems that particularly men have a habit of running around naked. Care to share why? Some primal urge?
101-year-old poses nude for calendar. Now of course this message should not follow the previous one, as it seriously undermines my case (which is still strong!). A 101-year-old woman has posed topless for a calendar to raise money for the local soccer club (ah see, when we do it we do it for a good cause :D).
400 students present during cuddling action for Belgium. This one goes into the category: how do you come up with these things????? A massive cuddling action was set up for the future of Belgium (which one) and had Wallonians and Flammish hug each other. The action (what purpose would it otherwise serve other than reproduction) served as a means to ensure solidarity amongst Wallonians and Flammish. Well, I wish them a lot of luck because even now the government does not seem to be getting any closer to formation.
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